Archive for the ‘Internet’ Category

As I recover from my written comps…

Tuesday, September 29th, 2009

…here’s a really cool remix of Carl Sagan’s Cosmos with an autotuner (featuring guest artist Stephen Hawking).

I’ll be back to my usual erudite and brilliant self sometime in the next few days, hopefully.

iPhone 3G-S Snap Review

Saturday, June 20th, 2009

My new iPhone 3G-S came in the FedEx yesterday… and after spending a couple of frustrating hours on Skype with AT&T when the delays in the activation process bricked both new and old iPhone, it finally activated and I was off to the races.

Now, I’ve spent less than 24 hours with 3G-S, but it’s a marked improvement over the 3G. Things are just a lot snappier; email opens right away, webpages render more quickly, even Sudoku is a lot faster. The compass is cool, but I really haven’t used it yet, as north and south are pretty easy to identify in a city with a square N-S-E-W grid system. The new camera with auto-focus is another thing I haven’t had much of a chance to use, but from the few test pictures I took, it’s a lot quicker, the auto-focus is cool, and the added megapixel is a welcome addition.

By far the most useful feature – one I’ve already used three or four times – is the new Spotlight search function, which finds emails, contacts, calendar items, etc. It’s about a hundred times easier than searching back through the inbox when I needed that one message. Apple’s recent history with OS X shows that they can be really good at on-machine search – and the iPhone 3.0 software is no exception.

All in all, am I happy? Yeah. I still don’t know if I’m $400 happy (the mid-tier upgrade price), but since I get to gift my old iPhone 3G to my mom (who gets all of her kids’ technology hand-me-downs) as a birthday present, I’m glad I made the purchase.

The Funniest Thing I’ve Read All Day

Thursday, June 4th, 2009

From Lowering the Bar comes the heartwarming story of a woman who sued General Mills (well, actually, she sued General Mills’ parent company, PepsiCo) because she thought Crunchberries were real:

On May 21, a judge of the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of California dismissed a complaint filed by a woman who said she had purchased “Cap’n Crunch with Crunchberries” because she believed “crunchberries” were real fruit. The plaintiff, Janine Sugawara, alleged that she had only recently learned to her dismay that said “berries” were in fact simply brightly-colored cereal balls, and that although the product did contain some strawberry fruit concentrate, it was not otherwise redeemed by fruit. She sued, on behalf of herself and all similarly situated consumers who also apparently believed that there are fields somewhere in our land thronged by crunchberry bushes.

The judge, of course, threw the suit out, with one of the more entertaining legal opinions of the few I’ve ever read:

In this case . . . while the challenged packaging contains the word “berries” it does so only in conjunction with the descriptive term “crunch.” This Court is not aware of, nor has Plaintiff alleged the existence of, any actual fruit referred to as a “crunchberry.” Furthermore, the “Crunchberries” depicted on the [box] are round, crunchy, brightly-colored cereal balls, and the [box] clearly states both that the Product contains “sweetened corn & oat cereal” and that the cereal is “enlarged to show texture.” Thus, a reasonable consumer would not be deceived into believing that the Product in the instant case contained a fruit that does not exist. . . . So far as this Court has been made aware, there is no such fruit growing in the wild or occurring naturally in any part of the world.

The Court does, in an act of tremendous intellectual responsibility, leave open the possibility that somewhere in the world there could be fields of artificially-grown Crunchberry bushes. This is an intriguing possibility; perhaps these Crunchberries were engineered through a creative hybridization process involving blackberries, popcorn, and what we can only assume is high-grade industrial waste. Nevertheless, if these artificial abominations against the Lord do exist on some island of Dr. Frankenberry in the middle of the Pacific, the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of California has wisely not pronounced that they don’t exist – only that, as we could all see anyway, they aren’t anything natural.

Next week’s case is a civil suit filed against the makers of Alpha-Bits, for not including umlauts, accented letters, or non-Latin characters like ð or Þ in the cereal. “My son Friðþjófur couldn’t write his name in his Alpha-bits and was traumatized for life!”

Bing? Really?!

Friday, May 29th, 2009

Anyone who’s spent any time on the internet – or in a coffee shop – knows Microsoft just isn’t cool. Functional? Sometimes. Scalable? You bet. Cool? About as cool as U.S. Steel, Kaiser Permanente, or the New York Yankees. Having a gmail address says you’re a denizen of the 21st century; having a Hotmail address says you got it in the ’90s and don’t want to have to tell all your acquaintances your new email address. Using IE instead of Firefox says that you don’t really know anything about computers. And in the foreground of every mental picture you have of that really cute, painfully hip-looking, totally approachable dude or gal in the coffee shop is a glowing, white apple.

Microsoft’s newest attempt to kill its more-hip competitors (you may remember things like the Zune and those lame attempts at responding to the “I’m a Mac” commercials) is a search engine called Bing. They’ve tried before to do search, with the MSN Live Search that they tried to foist on IE users, but it hasn’t taken off.

Which, of course, raises the obvious question: So the name is better, but what about the search engine itself? Is it going to give us better results than Google, which rose to the top over competitors like MetaFilter, AltaVista, and Excite (boy, those names bring back memories) because it had better indexing and better page-ranking algorithms? Come to think of it, is it better than what might end up being the real Google-killer, Wolfram Alpha?

Apparently, if the New York Times is to be believed, they’re thinking all they need is the catchy name.

Microsoft’s marketing gurus hope that Bing will evoke neither a type of cherry nor a strip club on “The Sopranos” but rather a sound — the ringing of a bell that signals the “aha” moment when a search leads to an answer.

The name is meant to conjure “the sound of found” as Bing helps people with complex tasks like shopping for a camera, said Yusuf Mehdi, senior vice president of Microsoft’s online audience business group.

So what does “Bing” make me think of?

Bing!

But I’ll let the Old Gray Lady have the final coup de grâce:

Meanwhile, some tech people were already noting that Bing is also an unfortunate acronym: “But It’s Not Google.”